20 Reactions to Gaian Vaginas

1. “That is not a place that teeth are supposed to be.”
2. “… what a nice set of clitorides you have.”
3. “I see you’re part hyena.”
4. “I don’t think I can do this if it’s going to keep making that noise.”
5. “Would you be offended if I just tried to see how much of my arm I could fit in there?”
6. “No, no, it’s fine. I can learn from the mistakes of my predecessors. I’m sure I’ll fare better than Boba Fett.”
7. “I don’t know what you did to make it taste like that but you should keep doing it, forever.”
8. “That could not have been a fun place to get tattooed.”
9. “Hey, I’m the victim here! You can buy new jewelry, I’m the one that swallowed it.”
10. “For fuck’s sake, I thought I was safe from snake genitals right now. Am I going to turn to stone if I look directly at it? Do I have to finger you via an elaborate system of mirrors so I can see what I’m doing?”
11. “That’s a cloaca. Did it not occur to you to warn me that you had a cloaca?”
12. “I like it. Very Angela Davis.”
13. “I knew all that time playing Track & Field at the arcade was going to pay off someday.”
14. “There’s a vagina somewhere behind those, right?”
15. “I don’t have an anti-vampire bias, you’re just… technically dead. And have been. For a while. I’m pretty sure that’s not… halal? It’s almost definitely against a religion. It’s not a you thing, it’s a me thing. I’ve got that gene that makes you not like the taste of formaldehyde. It just tastes like soap to me.”
16. “And here I thought those Georgia O’Keeffe’s were metaphorical.”
17. “That is not where those usually are. Huh.”
18. “Was your mom famous? I swear I saw her in Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife.”
19. “Gram said I’d regret not learning to play the violin, but I don’t think this is what she meant.”
20. “I don’t mean anything by it, damn. Don’t be so sensitive. I always wear a raincoat during sex. ‘Rubber Dean’, they used to call me. Not because of the raincoats, that was unrelated.”