20 Reactions to Gaian Dicks

1. “You’re gonna have to promise here and now to never try to shave your own pubes again, because you look like you got head from a weedwhacker.”
2. “That’s not a dick, that’s a graboid. I’mma go get Kevin Bacon, because he’s the only one that can take care of that shit.”
3. “Motherfucker if you think I’m letting anything that could be accurately described as ‘barbed’ near my orifices, y’all got another thing comin’.”
4. “That is way too many dicks for one person.”
5. “Where do you even buy pants?”
6. “… your dick is a snake. Your dick is straight-up a snake. You have a trouser snake. This raises a lot of question I do not want answered.”
7. “You realize your dick’s the size of my arm, right? Like, here’s your dick, and here’s my arm. Your dick might be BIGGER than my arm. You wanna put that inside me you’re gonna have to give me a week’s notice. Minimum.”
8. “… you’d better be really great at eating out.”
9. “Did you get punked by a djinn? Because seriously, if your skinny ass gets that thing hard, you’re gonna faint. There is not enough blood in your body for that. You’re laughing like I’m joking, but I’ve seen this shit before. Why would you ever trust anyone that lives in a bottle?”
10. “Do you have a camera I can borrow?”
11. “Are you planning to donate your body to science? Because you really should.”
12. “I don’t know what I expected, but that wasn’t it. No, no, keep your pants off, I want to see how this shit works.”
13. “Why did you not tell me you were a werewolf? Of course I can tell, fuckin’ a.”
14. “Well that’s an interesting shape.”
15. “No I am not racist against Giants, you dumb fuck, your dick just weighs more than I do. What you are describing is physically impossible. Stay in your damn weight class.”
16. “Is that the Mandelbrot set?”
17. “I don’t know what you hoped to accomplish, but now your ruse is undone. You are clearly actually two or three small children in an overcoat, pretending to be an adult.”
18. “Where the hell do you keep it?”
19. “Is it supposed to look like a lamprey?”
20. “I’m gonna need another beer.”